Archive for August, 2008

© Andrew A. Vest

“Hey, not so fast Y’all, I likes eatin’ people…’specially y’all…”

-Family Guy

Ok, so I must take a moment out of my normally very relevant soubriquet to highlight what might just be the worst and most embarrassing animatronic on the face of the earth. I refuse to be politically correct, but I simply do not want the fight of having to deal with the company, or the fans of the place which owns this lovely display in robotic debauchery. Therefore, I will not tell you where or how to experience this vulgar display, but shall rather tease you with my titillation’s concerning just how much of a good time I had making fun of it. Suffice to say I still laugh when I think about it.  Let’s begin, shall we?

Ok, so take a fruit bat and make it have sex with Joan Rivers, now, take the carnivorous, mutant love-child that results (You know its true), starve it, let it die, stretch it until it is 9ft. tall, scold it with boiling water, then ram an all too obvious pipe up its butt, glue some discount felt on as wings, make it wear a nasty pink boa and then pretend like it is supposed to be menacing. Sound ridiculous? It is, but I am not exaggerating. Honestly, I think a kitten would walk up to this thing, look at it, then after five seconds be like “Let’s go…”.

Truly though, I could not take this thing seriously. I had to survive the queue by pretending that it was the creepy cat man from Family Guy and that this tragic bat-thing really just wanted some company in his oddly brothel-like, pink flame crypt.  Come on, honestly, what was this theme park thinking? Oh don’t get me wrong, it is creepy, just for all the wrong reasons.

Oh my…

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